That lost which music helped find

It's not really the morning after a night before situation at all but I've felt a little different since I woke up today. Last night I went to see Ludovico Einaudi in concert in Glasgow - and that's been one of a couple of little firsts for me; first real concert I've been to see by myself, first time I've been to Scotland.

I think sometimes I forget what living in London means and the way it colours attitudes. The concert coincided, given the little hindsight required to work it out, with a desire to have a break from the city, even if it was for a single night. And now more and more I think there is some truth in the old adage that people outside London are friendlier - I genuinely have this sense that people here are nicer... I've already had more conversations with strangers than I would in a week "down South".

So imagine that this is the backdrop to my being able to see, being performed live, some of the most moving music I've ever heard. I hadn't known but I ended up able to get an autograph from Einaudi afterwards and perhaps I just take the only chance I'll get to thank him for his music. I couldn't be more glad I did it.

The truth is his music cuts through all the barriers within me, some that I put up and others I have less to little control over, and leaves me able to just feel; leaves me devoid of the reasoning and the justifications just to think about my life. More than anything I think that's why I've been finding it difficult to write these blogs, finding reasons to avoid talking about the very things that are most important in life.

If you wanted to simply quantify where I am in my life perhaps I'd say feel I've regressed in many ways. Yet this would be so incredibly over simplistic. We see things, we experience things and we grow as people. The making mistakes isn't something you want to expect, but I do think that being fair above all with yourself when they happen and the way we deal with them... well that's what really matters.

And as for me well I'm gradually relearning that talking about life is important to me and it's ok. Some don't want to talk about those things and will say there is a time and a place, but I think that's the point - there IS a time, there is some time. But in myself I have to find the trust, strength and most of all will to challenge myself and repair this belief. Only then can I begin to do one of the most natural of human things - talk.