Picking Up Women In Clubs
I'm finally ready to stand up and say that I do not enjoy any aspect of picking women up in clubs - and in all likelihood that's why I never do. The paradox moment for me though is that many of my friends do, and this reason if I am really honest with myself is why I've spent an inordinately large amount of time in places and in situations that I don't really want to be in.
But there is another strange dichotomy that exists within me - and that is when I do find myself in those situations, rendered powerless, the result is I then actually feel ashamed of myself. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me which is an absolutely harrowing feeling.
Sometimes I don't know what to take from this, and I'll find avenues by which I can try to reason it out: I lack the skills or I don't compare. But I'm not sure this is true, and rather that's one very particular side of me talking that I work very hard to handle.
Instead perhaps closer to an actual truth is we all have different cares, relative priorities and sensibilities. Of all the multitude of people in the world I think there are others who feel the same way I do.
Regardless then in the face of judgements that some others make I not only care very deeply about people but I also very strongly experience desire; for myself then I believe I must maintain the confidence to stand by myself. I want to direct those kinds of feelings and passions toward a person I know or am getting to know.
I've been around people who have made me feel small and wrong before. I will not be made to feel I should apologise for this.