Echoes from the shadows - 'Together Alone'

When I wrote this post the world did not make sense, I was searching for meaning and I felt lost. I saw no beauty, could not bare to believe. But now I smile. I peer out in awe of the rapid onset of the summer sun. There was no truth to find; merely a strength to embrace courage to venture into new moments blind.

We will never be happy all the time, and there will always be things we want, need; things that go our way, things that don't. It's not about happy or sad, it's about being reconciled with all of the person you are; someone once described it as content. Below represents a part of me, as important as any other. I have my demons, but they are not the all of me.

Relationships seem so easy for some people. And that kind of intimacy with another person seems to come easily; it's like they can turn it on and off and it doesn't matter. Or at least it doesn't phase them.

Personally I end up committing quite a bit of my emotion to things, but I don't know I would do anything else. I've never believed in doing things by halves. I can't understand how one can only partially care.

But I find it hard not to get cynical. My own experience is I'm never quite what another person is looking for - at that moment, given a particular reason or not, does it matter? It just wasn't meant to be. Generally though, it's hard not to view relationships as finite. Either they never have a chance to start or they seem to end.

Humans are social beings. I think we seek companionship; specifically something in us seeks the warmth of another. If it's so natural then why so complicated.

Why are some people always in a relationship? Why is it that some people, however much they want to be - despite good reasons mind you, to share that kind of closeness with someone - why can they just not manage it.

Are the latter too desperate? The former really afraid of being alone?

I find myself even questioning how much you can actually be yourself in a relationship. And even more so, in the build up to one? I'm torn....you should supposedly be careful about the messages you send, and thats fair - but by the time in your in the middle of all these intricate games, aren't you missing the point?

And after all that I think it may be the honesty. It takes two to tango, and those two people when they meet eye to eye need to trust they see the other person as they are. No pedestals, no lies - rather showing someone you, your soul...what you're about and how you live - all lain bare to be seen, be judged. That makes you vulnerable, and it's scary; but when is fear a reason not to do something. I guess you gotta hope you get a chance to share that openness with someone while you have the chance - be that while they are still willing to listen, or before they turn to leave.